25 Things about me

1. I could not speak until I was 3 and doctors thought I had a learning disability. When I did start talking it was in full sentences… the first being, “Mom can I have some green beans?”
2. My earliest memory is when I was 7 months old. My mom took me to a new mother’s class at the community health center and I remember the projector and images on the wall. My memory is of a giant cone of light with ghostly women and babies in the air.
3. I am the first person in my family to earn a 4 year degree.
4. The only sport I ever played in was basketball my freshman year of high school, it was a total failure.
5. I was suspected of somehow faking my grades in high school. My first year had perfect scores on every test in every class for the entire year.
6. I’m allergic to bubble bath.
7. I have a pilot’s license and would have pursued one no matter the cost or impracticality of it.
8. I read non-fiction almost exclusively.
9. I lived in subsidized housing for part of my childhood. My mom’s rent was 23 dollars per month at one point.
10. I never close the window on a commercial flight.
11. I helped my mom study for her nursing exams at age 5. I surprised her by remembering the latin names of the anatomy parts she said out loud.
12. I entered a gifted and talented program in middle school. The entrance test was unlike any I had taken and remember describing it as “fun”.
13. I have both undergraduate and graduate degrees from MIT. It was the perfect school for me. I was accepted early and never considered another school.
14. I earned a phlebotomy license (technician who draw blood) and trained to be an EMT in high school.
15. I consider my curiosity to be my most defining characteristic.
16. I haven’t seen my father in 16 years.
17. I find learning to be spiritually satisfying.
18. I love NBA basketball.
19. I’ve never broken a bone.
20. I’m a big fan of horror movies.
21. I don’t understand people who dismiss the cuisine of entire countries.. ie Chinese, Indian.. etc.
22. I hate hate hate potato salad, and to a lesser extent coleslaw.
23. I’m an unabashed music snob. Life is too short for musical potato salad.
24. After talking with people at NASA, I didn’t love Star Trek that much.
25. My most common nightmares are being deep underwater or in a disabled spaceship.

A Different Time

Sarah’s brother gave me the most interesting book for Christmas. It is entitled The Manhattan Project and is composed of various outtakes from history books, primary sources and first hand accounts. It’s all arranged in a vaguely chronological order and is incredibly readable. I even find myself remarking to Sarah after each entry in absolute amazement. My present job is arguably lacking in innovation and creativity so it’s amazing to hear about this amazing development environment. In fact many things I do have been heavily documented and done by many people for many DECADES, so it’s crazy to hear about people thinking up stuff and racing about to make hardware. This is the environment I had always dreamed I’d be in and it’s ironic that it existed in its purest form while creating the first atomic weapon. Despite any moral objections you may have to the project’s ultimate goal the sheer scale and success of the whole thing is a good study in what people can achieve. The management of the whole effort is astounding but the people themselves I think were the reason for its ultimate success. Sure they were given lots of money and political backing but everyone in particular performed outstandingly. From what I can tell everyone was given a project or task they could not immediately see how to complete.. almost everything they did was a first. There is even one story of a woman who created only finely woven quartz bands and was one day asked to work on an a wartime project in an unknown location. She had no idea what she’d be doing or where but she took it and was asked to design and fabricate a micro-measurement scale. She was scared to death, had never even designed anything much less made jigs and used metal working equip … and she did it. They all did. They went from theory in 1938 to a reacting nuclear pile underneath Stagg Field at the U of Chicago in 1942. This reacting pile was created in one of the densest parts of the country and the only assurance that it wouldn’t detonate were the calculations by Fermi himself. To go from that primitive pile of uranium to a bomb in 1945 is beyond belief. This was only after incredible amounts of ambitious and revolutionary engineering on all known fronts… be it chemical, mechanical, electrical and nuclear.
I can’t help to think how exciting the whole thing must have been.. to have been galvanized for a purpose and to work with some of the greatest minds in the country. An article by Feynman talks about how they all worked so well together. It’s funny because you’d think egos and personalities would quickly fuss things up in a room literally full of Nobel laureates. That wasn’t the case, after lengthy discussions he says the entire room would often come to the same conclusions. Self managing groups.. amazing. I guess when you have an ultimate goal in mind, and everybody can “run with the pack” so to speak, great strides can be made.
The way the all talk about it, the labs were bristling with new ideas, revolutionary ideas and they were quickly implementing them… on the scale of DAYS. I wonder if we will see a time like that again, hopefully for a more inspiring purpose.

Some music...

Scenic World by Beirut




Recycled Air/Marching Band of Manhattan by The Postal Service



Imitosis - Andrew Bird




Love Me Dead - Ludo



The Passenger - Iggy Pop

Zen Buddhism

I read something on a temple wall in Kyoto and it literally made me stop in my tracks. It was beautiful, and something I have long tried to put into words. I’ve been to all kinds of churches, schools, and monuments but this… this was something that cut to the heart of it. It crystallized beautifully what I had always sensed. It read,

Everything you have taken for granted is, upon reflection, unbelievably wonderful.

It’s a gem, pure and elemental... a fundamental truth of sentience. And that was my introduction to Zen Buddhism. Zen is not nearly as rigid as a formal religion or even life philosophy for that matter. So what is it? What are it's "truths"? Well, quite literally, you have to find that for yourself. What enlightens someone else will not open up the universe for you. Though there are some interesting stories, like the infamous flower sermon. This is where the Buddha held up a single flower for his sermon before a confused silent crowd and one monk achieved enlightenment. Or one anecdote where a monk got frustrated with being a monk and ran off to live in a village hut. He was sweeping his floor and a pebble hit some bamboo on the floor making a strong pure tone against silence.. and you guessed it, universal truth.

Yeah it sounds a little corny or cheesy but maybe not. I remember this one thing I read somewhere that sticks out.

If you don't expect to find truth here, where else do you expect to find it?

Anyway, in Zen there is no one book or set of guiding material that has been passed down through the ages. What material there is is even contradictory! Instead, Zen is seen as fundamental wisdom about the universe that can ONLY be personally experienced. A Zen master cannot “tell” you the answer. It is said that he can only point his finger at the moon, but would hope you do not mistake his finger for the moon! It is very different from western ideas. God for instance is seen more as the sum of the universe and it’s laws than a separate entity. So the point is no to think about the divinity of a can of coke, in fact that is to miss the point entirely. Zen temples are places to talk about zen but nothing really special. They would say to set up an alter to a flower if you wish... or the entrance to the temple is at the brook. It sounds mystical but it's whole aim is very different for most western religions. The whole purpose of zen as with buddhism is to achieve peace with yourself and the natural world. I think even the Buddhha himself said "You will not be punished for your anger but by it".

So what the heck is Zen? Well, it’s really hard to say, but here a few words that get the point of it.

Since it is all too clear

It takes time to grasp it.

When you understand that it's foolish to look for fire with fire,

The meal is already cooked.

-Wu-men

The Career Advice I Never Had

I was looking through some shelves when I came across an old spiral bound notebook with the title “Advice to Rocket Scientists” – Longuski. Ph. D. What a strange book! My job could be construed as a dilute form of rocket science, so I picked it up. And I devoured it. I read maybe a quarter of it right then and there! This book just happened to address all of the nebulous career issues cannibalizing my mind recently.

And it was good! It’s refreshing to read something that talks about the aerospace industry so candidly. It’s good in the sense that I understood EXACTLY what he was talking about. The book is dedicated to technical people who are not prepared for office life and career politics. And who can blame us? We grew up on Star Trek and video games… yeah that stuff is made up but surely the real world isn’t so bad. It has companies that produce amazing flying machines, staffed by brilliant engineers who worked effortlessly together. What else but self managed geniuses could produce such monuments to engineering?

WRONG. Aerospace companies are like any others, though I have a feeling they have more than their fair share of disillusioned enthusiasts. Here is some of the stuff it talked about:

1. What is the most important thing about your job? Salary? The work? The Boss?

He claims it is your boss. He/She has control of the first two. You could have an awesome set of duties/responsibilities but your boss could ruin that experience and keep you from getting promoted or gaining recognition. I guess it’s obvious but management and immediate bosses have a huge influence on your career at this company or the next. They write reviews for other jobs and control the flow of information to the upper management. So if your boss is bad, leave. Consider a lateral move or just away, your career is too important (especially in its larval stages) to throw away. This all makes sense and is not obvious to young engineers who don’t really know what a boss can really do. Do great work and get promoted right? In a perfect world maybe.

2. That brings in the next point. Visibility. It is important to be and remain visible for the right reasons. Work on high profile projects, things that have the future of the company in hand. This works in direct contradiction to everything you learned in college… working hard does not automatically pay off. You must be on the right projects and bosses play a huge role in this.

3. Do not take a job that you know how to do. This job will get immensely boring in a few years. I completely agree with this. Aerospace is a field desperately in need of creativity and innovation. If you think a job is “below you” it probably is… Accept difficult tasks, especially something the company needs solved, and be confident. Furthermore, learn as much as you can in other fields while you complete your first impossible task. This is one of the sure fire roads to project lead, the holy grail of engineering.

4. Every 3 years make a lateral move if you cannot be promoted. This is not considered aloof or ADD, the truth is that 80 % of any fields’ practical knowledge base can be learned in 3 years. The last 20 % takes ten years plus. If you stay in one area you will become the guru in the field for the company, learning everything there is to know about it. (Everyone has a guru, someone who has shunned all promotion into management). Gurus will have had substantial salary increases but will plateau in ten or so years. In short, they will be necessary and well paid, but un-promotable. You will be seen as afraid of change and uncomfortable in other subject areas. I guess every company has project leads and presidents and they didn’t simmer in a group for decades to pop up to the top.

I wish I read this in college.

Symphonic Drive

I listened to classical music for four hours straight during my drive to Corpus Christi.

First I had Beethoven’s Third thundering through my speakers. It was of course fantastic. I’ve never had the drive out to Sugarland be so dramatic. By the time the fourth movement came around the plastic molding was shuttering from the horns alone.

I was so keyed up I put in Dvorak’s Ninth. This was perfect for the thunderstorm I drove through all the way through to Victoria. It was AWESOME to have the triumphant theme blaring while I was driving through literally 10 feet visibility.

After that, things quieted down a bit. I listened to Schubert’s Unfinished symphony and then stopped to get a milkshake in Edna.

After that it was Bach’s fugues all the way to Refugio. I love his fugues as performed on an organ. I’m not just saying that either. They are by far the most played of my classical rotation. Truly, they are sublime. It is amazing to hear the voices toss the theme about and contort it into different shapes colors. This is done to each voice simultaneously while being played against eachother. It is said that Bach would even play fugues as a game. Someone would give him a theme or short musical phrase and he would improvise an ENTIRE fugue in real time. Essentially He would play the same theme against itself and transposed and in every which way and (now here is the kicker) he made it sound good. It’s like playing four games of chess simultaneously and winning.

The cool thing is you don’t have to be a genius to appreciate it. I think your brain vaguely knows something clever is going on as all the notes subconsciously fit into the original theme construct and make sense in the larger musical work.

So yes Bach is my favorite composer. However, my favorite piece of music ever is Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. I think it is the most moving and beautiful music ever written.

The Rabid Flying Cult

I’m finally back with a post!
It’s only been what, 6 months? I’ve probably fully alienated anybody who reads these posts. Anyway I’m back, and I have a private pilot license in my wallet!
On February 1st I passed my checkride and am now a fully licensed Private Pilot, Single Engine Land. It was an eventful checkride and it deserves it’s own post as well. Maybe later.
In short, my examiner showed up late with a shirt that said “Alpha Wolf” on it and his computer played recordings that were straight from a 900 number. I had to spend 4 hours with this idiot but I endured and now I have that little green card!
Life has been good since then. I have flown regularly and it has been very rewarding. It is getting expensive but I consider it well worth the cost. Whatever that means.

It’s funny though. I was at dinner with a few friends and one asked me, “WHY do you go fly?” I kind of get that question a lot. I guess people think it’s some kind of outrageously expensive and strange thing to do. Some just think it’s dangerous and others even call it “impractical”. Does the word impractical even have any meaning in a world full of luxury cars, jewelry, and High Def TV? I mean, does it REALLY?
I get stuff like,
Oh, you’re going to Palacios? I can get there faster in my car with all the preflighting and driving to the airport you have to do.


The conversation is essentially over as far as I’m concerned; there is no common ground that can be reached. It’s like talking about religion or politics. What moves me is simply different from what may move you or anyone else.
Of course the engineer in me knows it’s true, all two degrees of him. There are faster ways to get to point A to B. These are concrete facts based on wind speeds and taxi times. But the soul in me did not even bother to do the math. If anything I wish my plane were slower so that I could enjoy the flight more.
In fact just last weekend I flew a friend of mine to Galveston. We flew out there and landed with a gorgeous view of the Texas coast sprawled beneath us. After we tied down we went out to grab a burger at the hotel. Then after that we got back to the airport we saw a helicopter land dozens of feet away! The breeze was nice and we just hung around our plane and watched a few planes land. We then climbed back into my trusty Piper Warrior and hurled ourselves into the sky.
Crawling along the surface in a car is blasphemy.

Flying for pleasure is done by such a small group that nobody really has experience with it. I guess if I met somebody who loved to dogsled around I would think that horrendously stupid, especially in Houston. But hey, if the man loves to dogsled, who am I to judge? If he literally dreams of dog sledding, how can he be expected not to? What kind of man would he be if he didn’t?

In other news, I bought a robot! It’s this cool little fully programmable robot sold by the Parallax company. It’s awesome. I’ve already got it follow a flashlight and avoid walls with “whiskers”. The next step is to use infrared beams to navigate across a room. Learning stuff is cool.